great n simple poem..everythings flawless..the flow, the rhymes n the metre of the poem, which is actually kept under a tight control..in fact a situation that is difficult to understand n describe has been eloquently described. the two-mindedness of the protagonist are captured beautifully. couldn't have put it in better words..
n for the image..its very quirky n apt for the poem..capes over faces reaching for each other, their emotions masked so you can never make out what they are thinking or feeling. like the phrase 'so near, yet so far'..
the combo of images n text is just terrific..can't wait for the next post :)
Very first time, a tiny drop of salty water tickled down my eye, and cruised along the cheek to end up dying on my shirt... Means I cried
I don't know if it was intended, but this poem seemed to me cuddled up in harsh truths. The feelings one could never have said any better.
The tone of the poem was mixed up in remorse and guilty and with hidden feelings of affection.
To say the least: the poem is immeccable.
I'd again like to mention that I very well believe that you wrote the poem with the feeling of regret, but it turns out to be a ruthless symphony which you hear in agonizing pain and yet cherish. Remove the last stanza!
Lines like, Cause I can’t reciprocate the same
Destiny has someone else in store for me,
Shouldn’t have told you what I felt for you,
But I preferred to confess that I love you too,
Are just the stand-alones to enjoy!
Stepping down from the euphoric state of lavish excitement, and commenting further. I think the poem overall is very well composed, in terms of flow, rhymes (totally unnoticed), the soul- the surpassing ability of the poem and setting.
For the last stanza, there's no need to be giving up and shouting back. Keep a high head and whatever you said, is mature enough to be understood. One request, keep proper english words. Although we are familiar enough with them to feel comfortable but 'cause there never felt like poetic improvisation rather than a usual off the way contemporary contraction.
3 comments:
Nice work..n the pic too aptly fits the scene..
great n simple poem..everythings flawless..the flow, the rhymes n the metre of the poem, which is actually kept under a tight control..in fact a situation that is difficult to understand n describe has been eloquently described. the two-mindedness of the protagonist are captured beautifully. couldn't have put it in better words..
n for the image..its very quirky n apt for the poem..capes over faces reaching for each other, their emotions masked so you can never make out what they are thinking or feeling. like the phrase 'so near, yet so far'..
the combo of images n text is just terrific..can't wait for the next post :)
Very first time, a tiny drop of salty water tickled down my eye, and cruised along the cheek to end up dying on my shirt... Means I cried
I don't know if it was intended, but this poem seemed to me cuddled up in harsh truths. The feelings one could never have said any better.
The tone of the poem was mixed up in remorse and guilty and with hidden feelings of affection.
To say the least: the poem is immeccable.
I'd again like to mention that I very well believe that you wrote the poem with the feeling of regret, but it turns out to be a ruthless symphony which you hear in agonizing pain and yet cherish. Remove the last stanza!
Lines like,
Cause I can’t reciprocate the same
Destiny has someone else in store for me,
Shouldn’t have told you what I felt for you,
But I preferred to confess that I love you too,
Are just the stand-alones to enjoy!
Stepping down from the euphoric state of lavish excitement, and commenting further. I think the poem overall is very well composed, in terms of flow, rhymes (totally unnoticed), the soul- the surpassing ability of the poem and setting.
For the last stanza, there's no need to be giving up and shouting back. Keep a high head and whatever you said, is mature enough to be understood. One request, keep proper english words. Although we are familiar enough with them to feel comfortable but 'cause there never felt like poetic improvisation rather than a usual off the way contemporary contraction.
Levid!
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