Call me 'weak' or whatever, but dealing with death has always been one of my weakest confrontations. I suck at condoling someone when he or she has lost a near and dear one. Thank the unknown (my term for God) for never ever making me come very close to the death of someone very close to me. (Yes, i am aware of the fact that nothing is 'permanent', but i choose to ignore certain facts) But, at times, even without knowing someone personally, you can't help but mourn the passing away of that person.
Death has been one of my most unloved topics of discussion. There's this strange fear that i associate with it. And though most would say that it's the 'final journey' and things like that, i confess this to the world that this isn't my favourite topic. (Also, i do feel that dying in one's sleep is the worst way to die. While my father feels that it's just so peaceful, etc., i do feel that at times there are so many things that we plan on doing 'the next day' when we wake up. How scary could it be to not have a next day at all.)
In fact, even in the past, there have been times when hearing the news of someone's suicide has sent me into this really sulking phase. Wonder what's my fear...perhaps that of not knowing what happens next...or may be just knowing that things are so unpredictable at times. But this very fear gives me the strength and belief in the fact that one needs to enjoy every moment to the fullest. And also to never fret and feel stupid about loving someone and telling them how special they are for you (and here, i just don't mean the 'special someone', but everyone who matters).
In fact, recently, my friend Rubina told me about her 27-year-old ex-colleague, who passed away after delivering twins. She suffered from a condition called HELLP. While Rubina confessed that she and that girl weren't the best of pals, and had quite a hot and cold situations when they were working together, somewhere Rubina really really wished that things were more cordial between them, and hoped that things were a whole lot different. And that's exactly what i mean when i say that it makes no sense in hating, cursing and bickering over things and people. At the cost of sounding highly preachy (and my friends will endorse the fact that i'm the last person who is preachy, or believes in crazy morales), i so think that, at times, you do become the bigger person when you apologise even when the mistake's not yours. Yes, i do so, simply coz i love and value the person beyond my ego, and i have no qualms in admitting that.
Coming back to the beautiful Taruni, may her soul rest in peace, and yes, seeing you in one of the last scenes in Paa will always leave me misty-eyed. Feels like a beautiful story remained unfinished.
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